This is what it feels like.
You can’t understand.
I can’t explain.
This picture doesn’t even do it.
Hands shaking, heart racing, teeth clenching, tears building NOISE!

And I have to take it,
and contain it.
Every day, all day.
From the time I wake up,
Until the time I can sleep.
I try to keep it all in
my fucked up head.
Until I explode and have one of my “days”.
I end up having to apologize
For just trying to exist.
When IT lets go
I feel two inches tall
I cry because I hate myself
for all the damage I do
to everyone that I love.